Wednesday, 26 November 2014

I am Me

Today was a very lovely day and at the end of it I was feeling quite sulk, But the one who is my helper, reminded me of the beauty of the savior I have. 

Just a reminder of who I am.

See I am that silent whisper,
I am that endless converser 
That comfort in turmoil,
That peace in the storm,
That friend you always need,
That direction when you are lost.....
And when they won't listen I always am,
And in their misunderstanding I get it,
I see how hard you try,
I experience the disappointing feeling when you cannot be there for them,
I read the intent in your heart,when all they can do is point fingers,
I know that you try but at times not that hard,
I feel your joy when it works out and the envelope of disappointment when it doesn't,
I know it's hard for you to understand, that it's all for the best......
Keep still because I speak the language of the storm, 
To me it submits and willfully obeys,
I hold the waters in my hand,
I am in you and you in me,
The fulfillment of the law was in me,
The promise of life in my sacrifice,
I am who I am,
I am me,
Me the way,
Me the truth,
And me the life.
No ones comes to my father but by me.

So when you doubt and the darkness seems to overwhelm you, just remember I am who I am.....
And we'll said I am me.......for you!

Love your Redeemer.

Wednesday, 15 October 2014

Set up for step up

I was just thinking of all the many things that the Devil and those working against you do to push you down and frustrate you,yet all the while they forget how much God is watching over His word to perform it and every setback overcome is a set up for our set up. You set up for better jobs, better relationships, better chances for ministry,better capabilities..... Over time I have learned that it is very important to understand that you are never defeated because God has a nature of overcoming and that He has put the same nature in us. He reminds us of that in 2 Timothy 1:7 for God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. His piece that God inspired me to write really encouraged me . I hope it does the same for you.
As the leaves fall in the winter cold,
And trees sway left and right in dance to musical breeze,
I'm amazed at how fast the days have skipped,
And at how faithful he has been with every dawn,
See they sought to sift me like wheat,
Put my head for bounty and my spirit as a gunman's target,
Painted my spiritual image with a wanted sign and a price for anyone who would destroy me,
Yet in all this forgot of Him to whom I'm submitted,
With stupidly plotted,
Forgetting he commanded in his law in the act of psalms, section 91,subsection 11,for angels to keep watch over me,
And so he brought the flood to drown me and the storm to sweep me away,
But God cause me to walk on water and used the wind to set me soaring on Eagles wings,
Sent the Hail and thunder, but he who speaks in thunder hid me under......under His wings,under his pavilion,
Took away my direction without knowing to find it I would come into contact with my destiny groomers,
Sickness and diseases that turned out to be a testimony of His greatness,
Took away friends, but that only taught the value of true love,
Crushed my spirit and wounded my soul, but I who called upon the name of the Lord,was set free,now I'm free indeed,
You see no matter what they did they could not erase what God had established through his word for my life,as long as I stayed faithful to Him who called me. I'm still learning but one thing I know He who began a good work in me is faithful to complete it in Christ Jesus and that which was meant to draw me far away from my God brought me closer to the one who loved me,the one who wasn't afraid to lay his life down for me. 

So take heart you are work in's not over until God says So!!!!!!
Loving God Each day,

Friday, 3 October 2014

More costly than Gold

Live in the spirit and you will not fulfill the desires of the flesh..........Galatians 5:16. many young people really struggle with the concept of Holiness and righteous living. The last two months have been quite interesting for me. A man of God i really cherished went to be with the Lord and it left me questioning myself. His life was such an example to me and i felt like a big gap was left for me. i was just thinking today the price of being different, there is this nature that i realized from the beginning was in us to just want to fit in and belong. i might have written this before but it is a challenge for us today to go against the grain.
to say i am longing for you, would be true,
and to declare my utmost desire for you would be my declaration of faith.
To open my mouth and hunger and thirst after righteousness would be a cause worth pursuit,
yet each day i wake up, i look around me, and all i see is what surrounds me.
A norm, a culture of superficiality,
a struggle of humanity, to be who we are meant to be, or who they want us to be,
its amazing how much i  have found myself struggling.
Many of the times holding on to the very thing that was snatched from me,
i worry, i spend time coming up with algorithms and ways to finally get it right.
i challenge my body,
i deny my mind,
i enslave my spirit so as to conform to the standard of what i think is right.
i get into stupid stuff and carry out acts that would surprise coming from someone else.
The reality constantly beats upon my chest as the waves on the sandy shore,
pain striking my life like the shock of a million bolts of thunder, each day striving to attain that level of Holiness, purity and love.
i find myself drifting into frustrations and lost in this confusion of life.
but each time i get there he hooks me like a fish and reels me in back to his arms.
A sad but awakening reality dawned on me today, it is not hard to get the money, the riches, the lush life, the meaningless relations and deceitful titles, but it is costly to go contrary to your nature,
David quotes "in sin did my mother conceive me", i have learnt that to live as Christ did is costly. it will cost you friends, it will cost you opportunities, it will cost you to go against the current,to go against the belief.
See many of us claim to be living holy but are we?
if we were to be tested so many of us would fail. yet its amazing that the grace has already been provided and the battle won. In this past year i have watched friends walk away,family rejections, and segregation but most of the times i have found myself to weak to fight against them, many are the times i have decided to be complacent and to go with the flow, to know God but to deny the power thereof ,its been a journey and it still continues. I know now that to choose life is not as easy as it sounds. Imagine someone telling you that

to live you have to die, you have to be born again, the pharisee Nicodemus, as well schooled in the word could not get it. Biologically once you die you cannot live again. I guess i am afraid to die. afraid to loose it all, but i am trying. This path is so different, so not what i expected. but i am hoping that each day i will be able to lay down my life for Him, just as He did for me. i would rather pay in gold any day but i guess that's how he planned it for me. to cut me of, to make me run after Him. I must take up my cross,and follow him and that to me is more costly than gold. Lord help me each day, keep me in the path of your will,wash me and i will be whiter than snow because after i have died to me , you will resurrect me in glory. i can't wait.........

Saturday, 27 September 2014

Reflections 2013-2014

So today was my birthday. I don,t normally make a fuss about celebrating my birthday but for some reason this year meant a lot to me. i remember praying for the day and asking God that it be a perfect and happy day and one that i would remember. As i sit back at the end of this particularly uneventful day i find my thoughts drifting back into memories of the year 2013-2014. I must say this year was a tough one, but as i think about it, it was a good year, one i think is worth mentioning.
God is the Author and the perfecter of all things me.
      most of the time through the years i have always panicked and wondered if He got things under control, well this past year was a clear indication that He does, i went through the waters and climbed mountains and through so much but in the end He always made sense that He was the one steering the boat, i was taught to trust in him even in the most difficult situations and for sure he carried me through.
Letting go is the beginning of letting God...
this one was a challenge because i am not the let go "kinda" person. i always want to hold on and do all i can to salvage situations. Now i know it is okay to let go. At times God allows us to go through some stuff to build us up, to nature us or to discipline us. if there is something i have accepted, is just because it did not happen doesn't mean you failed. i always tried to be perfect and try to be all things and pull all things together, sacrifice myself just to keep holding on....well if it changes you that much and causes you discomfort and even through prayer doesn't bring you peace or make you settled then its time to let go.
Live within my boundaries.......
this was the toughest for me, i am used to spending all i have just for others to get a good impression of me; be it getting into promises to salvage situations, going all out for others, i would do it and at the end of the day be so spent or so fatigued and damaged that i would end up so tired yet pick myself up the next day and do the same. i am learning to love me and to appreciate those who love me for me and with that the important statement "NO" was added to my vocabulary  which made my life far much better.
Life is awesome, Enjoy it,Love it,Savor it..........
always having a tendency to look into the future and not enjoy the today, life is fast paced but as you run take a moment to stop and look around. the scenery is breath taking.
Cherish what you have.......................
loving my friends was a challenge this past year and i know God will make it better this year.
there are so many positives i have gained and negatives i have been made aware of. As the sun goes down on this year and a new day dawns for me, i know that this year...
i will loose some friends
i will gain new friends
i will love more
i will laugh a lot
and above all i will touch some lives for his Glory.
i am grateful to God that in my immaturity He is making me mature, and in my stupidity he is making me wise, in my lack he is giving me plenty and though like Elijah, Ahab and his chariots have gone ahead of me, i need not be afraid ,because When His spirit comes down upon my life....He will anoint me to catch up with them that have gone ahead and give me the speed to overtake them. All i need is too stay focused on Him. So 2014-2015 is my year of seeking God's face........thank you to all who made 2013-2014 a blast, and to all who pierced my side, it was all worthwhile and a part of his plan for me. i am more passionate and more in love with my Redeemer King.
keep it real and remember Jesus is the only way to the Father.....John 14:16

love always,

Thursday, 29 May 2014

A Letter to my Beloved

My Dearest,
Its been a while waiting for you, see at some point in my life you were all i could ever think of. My dreams were you, i lived  for you and breathed for you. You could say you were my every waking moment and the end to my day. I was so engrossed in the thought of you that i couldn't perceive my life without you but with every waking day hope turned into despair and despair into anguish and anguish into helplessness as you delayed to come to me. Today i want to thank you for taking so long to come, because when i couldn't find you i turned back to God and there i found my comfort, my peace , a new sense of life. It was then that i realized how selfish i had been. i always prayed for you to be this and that.............and a bag of chips but i never thought that i needed to be this and that too so i would be ready when you came. It is with gladness that i want to say i am sorry. sorry for ever trying to make you what i wanted you to be for me. but you can't blame me........see growing up i had this perfect image of how you would look, and how perfect i would feel walking beside you... i was raised in a certain way and expected you to surpass how i was raised.....i was always a daddy's girl and expected to be your girl......went through my own share off ups and downs and i hoped that ours would be a rosy ride,so i sat on the highway of life with my neck stretched out, hoping i would catch a glimpse of you.............and many came that looked almost like you and almost got my attention but then it just did not feel right. i was so lost in this image of you....aaaaaah at times i laugh at myself. Tonight i just wanted to let you know. i have not given up the wait, yet this time i wait in difference. I spend my mornings on my knees for you, i cry to God to make a better you, to make you fall in love with him each day, i pray for favour for you at work, in your business and wherever you may be. I don't want you to be what i want you to be, because that may only last for a moment, but i want you to be what God says you are because his word is forever established in heaven and once you find that identity, you won't another, i pray that as you commune with Him you will be molded after his kind, i pray for you.......yes i do, that you will find confidence in God and not in the love i give or the woman that i am because that is subject to change like the tides and the winds............i pray that you will live and trust him so much and that He will give you the strength to be a vessel that he can use. I pray that he open your eyes and show you his glory. I pray that he will order your steps and define your standards that you will not do for me or for others but that He will be your driving force. As I've gotten closer to God I've realised that its not all about me, but all about him, so i pray that he will be your definition, your standards, your love, your peace, your fortress, your comfort, your provider, your validation and the only one you have to impress. because when that happens and we are walking in his will he will equip us and use us to touch the lives of those around us and make us a praise to his name. So take heart He is working on you and equipping me to be that Help mate that is fit for you. and so i wait in understanding because you won't have to struggle to find me, i won't have to search in desperation to find you,or sell myself short,but as i sit at His feet, obedient and patient, he will make us meet in His heart and our love for Him will be a passion for each other and our treasure for a lifetime, Yes a LEGACY for our children, a testimony of His great power and love made manifest through earthen vessels like me and you. keep on keeping on, and pursue after him, it woun't profit you to gain everything and loose your soul.
P.S. He's just a prayer away!
yours always,

Monday, 19 May 2014

Running For Gold

Chasing after you,I run to catch up with you,
Gasping for breath,panting for air.
See I am a runner, and running is what I love to do best,
I am kept busy by the chase, always too afraid to end the race.
We'll at one point it comes to an end.
The running after dreams, after ambitions after those thing that seem worth running for.
Every great athlete has to know for very important things and this are crucial.........
1. What price they are running for
                        The price is the focus of what they want to achieve ,when running for Gold you will give all that you have because loosing is not an option. Gold pursues are always filled with convincing once self,pushing past the limit and believing in one's self. All you can see is the finish line and all the strength is directed towards getting there,nothing not even pain or fatigue are allowed to get in the way. Silver pursuits have a chance of letting someone be the best. Silver pursues may get you close to the finish line but never to victory of Gold,you are allowed to let go a bit. There is the option of if I don't win I will still get something,second-best perhaps.bronze winners let go even more and are willing to compromise both the Silver and the Gold but still get recognition. No medal runners just want to stand up and be counted for participation
2.when to start
                    Depending on what you are running for then the start will have to dictate the race. The start is carefully planned and all calculations in the mind. to keep the pace
                 This dictates the entire race. The start may be good but at some point the pace is lost. This would affect the kind of things we will attain at the end of the race.
4.when to stop.
                   Of course one must learn when to stop. Two kinds of stopping at the end of the race and when to call it quits.
So where am I getting at :
Hebrews 12:1
Therefore since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses,let us throw off everything that hinders us and the sin that so easily besets us, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us ...........  I don't know what you've been running for, but for sometime I have been running for the silver and the bronze , you know the things that seem so important abut are not really, the human make of the standards...yes. Run for those things that are important such as Eternal life,people who love you,family and those things that you can not trade in for, those that will hang as mementos of sacrifice and endurance and giving your all. Do not get weary or tired. Where you lost the strength to complete the race just remember that God is there constantly to help you. Forget your loses and embrace the victories of today and those to come,do not be worried to much about tomorrow until it holds up your today because you will always live in the tomorrow and all the beauties of today will pass you like a wind. Instead live today and prepare for tomorrow, leave the nitty grittys to God because the truth is even if you were given a thousand tomorrow's you would still not be ready at no.1001. There will still be that thing to achieve, that goal to accomplish,that responsibility to fulfill. So know when to start. Start running today and take a moment as you run to enjoy the Glory of the race ,because Jesus has the map. He will make sure that you are on track and smile when you receive all that was placed in the race for you. Love hard,keep humble and always smile .

Sunday, 13 April 2014

Ripping to build

The pain engulfed me like a ranging wildfire,
Every cell of my heart threatening to explode,
It raged in my body and ached in my heart,
Pumping so fast inside its cavity almost breaking its boundaries,
As I counted my losses and replayed the could haves and would haves
My head throbbed hard pursued by its haunting thoughts,
Cries for Help sounded so loud in my head,
But not a whisper was heard from my mouth,
I clenched my sheets and bit hard into my pillow,
Amidst all that shone a dazzling light,
Then he appeared with clothes so white and engulfed me with His peace,
The pain raced away and calm swept over my heart at the warmth of his presence,
Yet come close he couldn't cause I was stained in blood but even in his distance I could feel his love radiating in warmth,
And his voice echo like the dance of the waves in the song of a silent breeze,
And as I asked why, he said it was for my good that I went through that, as he made it clear that my life just like those of the Israelites had become a provocation of his anger and a kindle of his fury,
And that like in Jeremiah 32 he was destroying every memory of it into a sea of forgetfulness,
And this time I did understand for the entrance of his word brings light and understanding to the simple, he had to wipe the slate clean,
For he was Just and he was righteous,
Somehow I was forgiven but had to bear the consequence of being restored,
I had to go through the pain but he would be right there with me assuring me of his presence even when I didn't feel him close, he promised that he was there,
Coz that's the kind of Lover God he is,
Reminding me that he loved me and for me he came,
And though the tears are still falling, and though my bones are breaking,
He assured me he will heal them and bind me up,
That he would restore that which the Palmer worm ate,
That which the locusts destroyed,
He will heal and bring to health, now I understand that in tearing he gets rid of the old and makes room for the new,
Just like he took David's son for his own good,
This is for my own good,
And that this desolate city will once again be a praise to his name,
And I will be a better build,
So for you whose going through the same just know he is write there with you in the storm and you will be better when its all over.
Love heartonsearch.

Saturday, 5 April 2014

Grass is greener on your side

I was just sitting down today, then i realised how we often spend life lamenting at the life we have and wishing if only we were allowed to do things differently we would find ourselves on the other side where the grass is always greener. We spend our lives wishing and waiting for
that perfect moment
that perfect job
that perfect house
that perfect man or woman
that perfect body
that perfect friend, church,sibling......... the list is endless. Well i had an aha moment today ,what if the grass is always greener because they that are on the other side took their time to tend and nature their grass? Our generation today is stuck in the popcorn ideology, i want and i have to get immediately. Well a few of us actually do get, but the things they have to do to get immediately would be horrific and mind boggling just to mention. So for all of us who still think grass is still greener on the other side don't be deceived the best things in life come because of taking chances and hard work. You have hidden in you the capacity to make your grass greener too. All it takes is
a little patience
a little love
a little care
a little selflessness
a little risk
and a little effort
and you'll be shocked that it may take you a least amount of time to get started on your lawn than admiring and wishing you could get the neighbors lawn. So today put away your murmuring and complaining and allow yourself to walk at your pace. Do not be rushed by their achievements and be pressured by their success.
Enjoy what you have,
practice and perfect your skill,
appreciate those that are around you,
stop for a minute and thank God for who you are and what he has planned out for your life and appreciate that He's got the blueprint. Be amazed at the architecture that is the world and gain confidence that the same architect is incharge of the project that is your life. Cast not your confidence which has great recompense. Take a chance and do those crazy things they might just turn out to be an invention that will last a lifetime or give you unmatched satisfaction. Reach for the stars, seek God's will, and give it your all,you might just realize that you are too busy chasing after your neighbors lawn when yours was always perfect, just needed some TLC, and that the grass is actually greener on your side!

Wednesday, 2 April 2014

is it worth the investment

many companies before taking on a Project or an investment usually do a cost benefit analysis to see whether it will be worth to undertake the same. it occurred to me just a few days ago as i read my friends page on merger and acquisitions. she went on to explain that marriages are mergers and not acquisitions. this got me thinking that before a decision is made for a merger there must be a cost benefit analysis study that is done by both parties. decisions to merge can be base on weakness, or strength.
mergers made on weakness decisions are usually in such a way that the person with strength has more rights to decision making.
on strength is based on the we are so good apart think how much better we would be together.
but all this is for another day. back to my analysis. in relationships we find that most of the time ladies base their choices on financial benefits and benefits of being loved while men base it on looks and once in a while character. don't get me wrong there is the rare statistic that actually base it real issues.
 consider how easy is it to get conversations going, can you sit in a room and just talk about anything? how well does this person get you? can you argue and disagree to agree? does this person really consider your input or is he or she bent on showing you his or her superiority and difference in life? are there gaps in character that you really struggle with when with this person? after all this are the things that pop up in arguments or as said as slight comments. find the root of this and address them comments like i don't like a certain thing about you, or this thing about you scares me. i once came a cross such a scenario where the lady was so pretty yet so blond and this dude was so much disturbed by her blondness but would always just pass it on and kindly tell her don't talk just smile. until one day he had to leave her with the friend to attend to the call of nature and men did this chic display all her folly at the surprise of his friend. if there are things that bother you are you comfortable about them or do you want too hide them. count the cost of hiding them before you move on coz this guy was teased so much about it and since h had never accepted that side of her eventually one thing led to another and the guy let her go to protect himself. always remember every investment takes time, energy, heart and emotion. don't be selfish to the other person and don't also deceive yourself. friends are people whom you have accepted for who they are and are a reality to you just as they are. friendship is very important and should be factored in decisions to invest or not. just but a few on one area of friendship. are you really friends. remember too be yourself so that others can be friend the real you and not a clone and get shocked later
build the bridges and you will be able to cross in and out of ones hearts.
with love

Thursday, 27 March 2014

Today i am praying for you

In silence i approach
thinking a bout you today more than any other day,
i miss you,
i thank God for you,
for your strength,for all He has seen you through,
for hand picking me and placing me not only in your path,
but in your very life.
choosing me to behold the strength you have,
to learn from you,
to appreciate your laughter,
to share in your pain,
to count the milestones we've passed through
and so today as i think of you,
i pray for you,
that God will grant you
                          peace when the storms are raging,
                          comfort amidst the tears,
                          joy amidst the sorrow,
that He will remind you that you are never alone though it feels like so,
give you hope that  one day it will be a day to smile,
to establlish you and all that you are and have,
to prolong your life that you may be able to witness his faithfulness and his promises fulfilled
i pray that He will lift you up and ease the pain and suffering that you have endured
i pray that He will make love a reality and heal all the scars left by hurt
and that He echo out "talitha kum" to all your dying dreams
i pray for you with immense love in my heart
with overwhelming thanksgiving for all the sacrifices you have made
i pray that doors will open for me to see you and that we will celebrate his faithfulness
i pray that finally you will enter into His rest through faith
that for once you will not have to do so much
i pray that He will forgive you and pardon you and finally work all things together for your good
so i kneel down beside my bed
i hold my hands bound to show Him how helpless i and you are without Him
i take my time to pray
and in case you did not know i am just letting you know
that tonight i am praying for you.

love Heartonsearch.