my mind is racing very fast, just thinking how different rules apply. but is it really rules. rules make one obliged to do stuff, love makes it a pleasure. going back and forth at how hastily i have moved. looking back i perfectly did fit in, like a glove i must say. 
today i miss
       the laughter
        the smiles
         the love
          the company of your friends
          the feeling that i belong.
 
yet trying to figure out all the while, what happened. feeling obligated to feel a certain way towards others, but i realize that something is still a miss,
you are no longer around,
now the mourning begins
the constant feeling of Right or Wrong decisions made?
i want to rest, I'm tired of coming out and going in, 
beaten myself constantly about you,
about why,

about the what ifs?
tonight i choose to rest  knowing that different rules apply for me,
because i'm not them.
you said this again and again, now i see. 
thanks!