Its been a while waiting for you, see at some point in my life you were all i could ever think of. My dreams were you, i lived for you and breathed for you. You could say you were my every waking moment and the end to my day. I was so engrossed in the thought of you that i couldn't perceive my life without you but with every waking day hope turned into despair and despair into anguish and anguish into helplessness as you delayed to come to me. Today i want to thank you for taking so long to come, because when i couldn't find you i turned back to God and there i found my comfort, my peace , a new sense of life. It was then that i realized how selfish i had been. i always prayed for you to be this and that.............and a bag of chips but i never thought that i needed to be this and that too so i would be ready when you came. It is with gladness that i want to say i am sorry. sorry for ever trying to make you what i wanted you to be for me. but you can't blame me........see growing up i had this perfect image of how you would look, and how perfect i would feel walking beside you... i was raised in a certain way and expected you to surpass how i was raised.....i was always a daddy's girl and expected to be your girl......went through my own share off ups and downs and i hoped that ours would be a rosy ride,so i sat on the highway of life with my neck stretched out, hoping i would catch a glimpse of you.............and many came that looked almost like you and almost got my attention but then it just did not feel right. i was so lost in this image of you....aaaaaah at times i laugh at myself. Tonight i just wanted to let you know. i have not given up the wait, yet this time i wait in difference. I spend my mornings on my knees for you, i cry to God to make a better you, to make you fall in love with him each day, i pray for favour for you at work, in your business and wherever you may be. I don't want you to be what i want you to be, because that may only last for a moment, but i want you to be what God says you are because his word is forever established in heaven and once you find that identity, you won't another, i pray that as you commune with Him you will be molded after his kind, i pray for you.......yes i do, that you will find confidence in God and not in the love i give or the woman that i am because that is subject to change like the tides and the winds............i pray that you will live and trust him so much and that He will give you the strength to be a vessel that he can use. I pray that he open your eyes and show you his glory. I pray that he will order your steps and define your standards that you will not do for me or for others but that He will be your driving force. As I've gotten closer to God I've realised that its not all about me, but all about him, so i pray that he will be your definition, your standards, your love, your peace, your fortress, your comfort, your provider, your validation and the only one you have to impress. because when that happens and we are walking in his will he will equip us and use us to touch the lives of those around us and make us a praise to his name. So take heart He is working on you and equipping me to be that Help mate that is fit for you. and so i wait in understanding because you won't have to struggle to find me, i won't have to search in desperation to find you,or sell myself short,but as i sit at His feet, obedient and patient, he will make us meet in His heart and our love for Him will be a passion for each other and our treasure for a lifetime, Yes a LEGACY for our children, a testimony of His great power and love made manifest through earthen vessels like me and you. keep on keeping on, and pursue after him, it woun't profit you to gain everything and loose your soul.
P.S. He's just a prayer away!
yours always,
HEARTONSEARCH.
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