More costly than Gold

Live in the spirit and you will not fulfill the desires of the flesh..........Galatians 5:16. many young people really struggle with the concept of Holiness and righteous living. The last two months have been quite interesting for me. A man of God i really cherished went to be with the Lord and it left me questioning myself. His life was such an example to me and i felt like a big gap was left for me. i was just thinking today the price of being different, there is this nature that i realized from the beginning was in us to just want to fit in and belong. i might have written this before but it is a challenge for us today to go against the grain.
to say i am longing for you, would be true,
and to declare my utmost desire for you would be my declaration of faith.
To open my mouth and hunger and thirst after righteousness would be a cause worth pursuit,
yet each day i wake up, i look around me, and all i see is what surrounds me.
A norm, a culture of superficiality,
a struggle of humanity, to be who we are meant to be, or who they want us to be,
its amazing how much i  have found myself struggling.
Many of the times holding on to the very thing that was snatched from me,
i worry, i spend time coming up with algorithms and ways to finally get it right.
i challenge my body,
i deny my mind,
i enslave my spirit so as to conform to the standard of what i think is right.
i get into stupid stuff and carry out acts that would surprise coming from someone else.
The reality constantly beats upon my chest as the waves on the sandy shore,
pain striking my life like the shock of a million bolts of thunder, each day striving to attain that level of Holiness, purity and love.
i find myself drifting into frustrations and lost in this confusion of life.
but each time i get there he hooks me like a fish and reels me in back to his arms.
A sad but awakening reality dawned on me today, it is not hard to get the money, the riches, the lush life, the meaningless relations and deceitful titles, but it is costly to go contrary to your nature,
David quotes "in sin did my mother conceive me", i have learnt that to live as Christ did is costly. it will cost you friends, it will cost you opportunities, it will cost you to go against the current,to go against the belief.
See many of us claim to be living holy but are we?
if we were to be tested so many of us would fail. yet its amazing that the grace has already been provided and the battle won. In this past year i have watched friends walk away,family rejections, and segregation but most of the times i have found myself to weak to fight against them, many are the times i have decided to be complacent and to go with the flow, to know God but to deny the power thereof ,its been a journey and it still continues. I know now that to choose life is not as easy as it sounds. Imagine someone telling you that

to live you have to die, you have to be born again, the pharisee Nicodemus, as well schooled in the word could not get it. Biologically once you die you cannot live again. I guess i am afraid to die. afraid to loose it all, but i am trying. This path is so different, so not what i expected. but i am hoping that each day i will be able to lay down my life for Him, just as He did for me. i would rather pay in gold any day but i guess that's how he planned it for me. to cut me of, to make me run after Him. I must take up my cross,and follow him and that to me is more costly than gold. Lord help me each day, keep me in the path of your will,wash me and i will be whiter than snow because after i have died to me , you will resurrect me in glory. i can't wait.........
love
Heartonsearch.