2019 was termed to be a doomed year due to COVID 189 and all just wanted a reset and thus the anticipation of 2020 and when that did not happen we all went into 2021 with a mind reset.
For me, 2021 was a year of hope after much frustration in 2020. I cannot precisely recollect how it all started but it was still full of government curfews and multiple restrictions. As I try to wrap my thoughts around what this year was this is what comes to mind;
Mentally
This was a year that I was afraid because of a very difficult struggle with depression, but it was in that struggle that I realized my resilience to fight and keep my head above the waters even when I was literally drowning. I mastered the art of mental compartmentalization as an escape where I could literally block of a part of my thoughts to avoid drifting into a very dark place.
Emotionally
This year was full of bipolar-like tendencies and was just a roller coaster of emotions. I would literally be laughing hysterically and within the next ten minutes be crushing and crying uncontrollably. many nights were spent in the toilet crying after my family went to sleep trying hard to muffle the sounds with a towel stuffed into my mouth. It was also a year where I felt very insecure and highly threatened by everyone and everything around me. it was a year of great discontentment, envy, and regret accompanied by self-hatred and self-condemnation. Thanking God that I am somewhat trying to deal with that.
Physically
Stress and depression sort of come with coping mechanisms and for me, comfort eating was one of them, not to mention the additional disadvantage of hormonal issues, it was a year in which I gained much weight and still struggling to get back on the fitness bandwagon.
Financially
This was a year of financial sustenance amidst many struggles
Marriage and Romance
I sigh when I begin to think of this but yet laugh at the same time. This year highlighted moments when I actually thought my marriage will end and moments of great love and memories. Eccl 3:11 was an anchor for my marriage as it was shaken by in-laws, my own family, financial situations, and emotional storms amidst the irony of helping to heal broken hearts and relationships while ours was hanging by a thread, but I believe what didn't break us actually made us stronger!
Family
This year saw me lose out on closeness with most members of my extended family, not sure whether to blame COVID or to say that it exposed the strength of ties previously established. However, I gained a closeness with my two siblings which was surely amazing. I think we are growing older and learning the value of investing in our relationships. It was also a year I desperately hated myself for not being in a position to bring my Mum back home and wanted to be available and present for my cousins and their families but some of those turned out dramatic....stories to tell. I still yearn for genuine friendship and mentorship in both my families and an end to competition to see who is living a better life. Hopefully, with time we will achieve this. It was a year of trying to finally fit in with my in-laws which still remains a struggle marred with many unexplained actions and norms. Hopefully, we will crack this sooner than later. #Bashloading
Grief and Loss
It was a year of pain and tears as I said goodbye to my cousin Ochi and My aunty from my husband's side Grace Roimen ( whose love was felt purely more and genuinely than experienced by me from anyone else in this family). I still mourn their Loss.
Parenting
This gets harder by the day. Our little Prince is becoming more opinionated and we're are still trying to get the balance between discipline & love so as to create a safe haven for him to call home. He still doesn't eat as well and once school happened it's been a consistent tag on my heart strings with every hospital visit. My life's desire for his schooling was also not achieved but we keep striving hopefully with prayers and effort we will manage to give him a better life. Much thanks to my mother who has been a shoulder of comfort in all the ups and downs since our son was born.
Ministry
As a believer salvation is key and is core. This year has seen in fightings in some of our local branch ministries; resistance, and lack of youth mentorship. I really miss our Apostle. We have been praying for God to plant us in the soil in which we will be able to grow and bear much fruit, After receiving much heat over the years I feel our spiritual lives need both healing and revival. I feel the need for leaders who are not just concerned about the now and growing the church but have a heart to labor and sow with love and patience into the lives of young people, walking with them all individually, picking them up, dusting them off and even correcting them so as to show them the way until they see them standing and established in their calling as ordained by God before the foundations of time. May God plant us, give us ministry fathers who can identify the giftings of God in our lives even when we do not see it and can be shepherds to nature those giftings to the saving of our generation and raising of workers who will labor to see revival fully birthed in the land. In this regard, I cannot forget to thank our Presbyter and His wife true leaders, servants, teachers, and parents to this point in our lives. Pockets of revival are already springing up in various parts of the country may we be partakers.
Work & Career
This area has been a challenge in my life, I am still trusting God for his direction and alignment in this area. I feel it is not what it is meant to be. This year I saw the corruption in our country and experienced Kenyans being raced against in their own country from "courtyard seats". Someone needs to blow a whistle and the government needs to do something to secure the future for our youth, The situation is dire. May we get sobber leaders in this coming election.
As the curtains close on this year, I can only pray for complete mental and emotional healing, spiritual revival and awakening, closer valuable ties with friends and family,love and establishment as a family, better mastery of our parenting skills, wealth health and prosperity and a peaceful election ahead.......
goodbye 2021 and welcome 2022, the year of destiny appointments and breakthrough!
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