Heart Mind disparity

now faith is the substance of things hoped for........the evidence of things not seen!

faith is failing me today,
i feel tired,
i feel exhausted,
i feel alone though surrounded by many,
just one of those days when my mind does not agree with my heart


i choose not to complain
trying hard to give thanks
reaching my hand out for help
hoping that my eyes would open
and that my heart would perceive
but then again ,,,its just one of those days when my mind does not agree with my heart

he hols my future
he holds my peace
he knows my end
my now and my back then
yet i cannot feel him near
because it is one of those days when my mind does not agree with my heart

pictures of past that could have been
future that is yet to come
a gap i cannot connect
a now engraved in the concept of this great master piece
this one of a kind story of my life
never before told......
and of all days my mind does not agree with my heart

its okay
its in controll
but my mind is racing
doing rounds in the tracks that are my thoughts
and depositing 1000lb feelings in my heart
i can't Justify
i can't explain
see my mind and heart do not agree

today
i can't move it away in dance
i can't explain its magnitude as i write
i can;t cry it out,
i can't laugh it past me..........
one of those days when my mind challenges the very existence of my hearts belief






tell me again that i am loved
tell me again my heart cannot hear it enough
peradventure
it will anchor my belief
it will challenge my mind
it will engulf my existence
it will embrace my uncertainities
and cast away my fears
pulling me ashore
to where my mind and heart agree once again

love
heartonsearch

He's got you

I am thinking to myself the influence of our early life in our present life. It occurred to me that those who are rich and successful either came from very wealthy families or came from very poor families. Those that came from rich families were groomed to inherit and their parents connected them by placing them in the right schools and taking them to schools abroad that they may live in the wealth....probably for most of them their jobs were as a result of connections with their parents or their parents friends.
Those who are extremely poor were motivated because they wanted a better life for their children or wanted to be that person that got their family out of the deplorable situation. Such probably had basic education and struggled their way through pushing their intellect to achieve more than they had in order to compete for the same positions with this children who were groomed for success. Their first jobs were probably not worth mentioning and they worked as slaves to prove that they too deserved better positions. Their breakthrough for the lucky few was at first effort but for many it came at the point of giving up.

You see life is at times that unfair.....you may seem to conclude but have you ever thought of what drives you.
See the "rich kid" is driven by love
The "poor kid"is driven by fear

But they all make it in the end.

It just hit me today that most of us are busy running from our past, we are so afraid of the thought of ending up like our parents or having our children end up like our parents that we work effortless to achieve our "better life". Fear drive to endless working and more energy. Love drive positions us in a place to work with less energy because it shifts our focus from....i must make it by all means to the intended focus that says i can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.

Scripture has several principles to support this;
He gives sleep to those he loves
He causes to prosper the work of our hands
He has given us all thing pertaining to life and Godliness
He awakens our ears to hear as those who are taught....plus many more

My point is God has got you. It is time you change your running strategy...work hard but in God. He is able to give you divine ideas and divine connections and above all the peace of mind that make you more productive.

Work out of Love because he's got you! He sees and hears and even if you do not believe it he is not unfair though it seems that he is 95%of the time.

Just change the strategy work towrads a goal and nor as though running from a pit..He's got you. Work and trust his decree in jer 29:11 His plans are for good and not evil.

Love,
Heartonsearch.

When home is home no more

When home is home no more
I will cry in my heart
Let my soul tell all its pain
And my heart feel the strain

When home is home no more
I will sit in silence
And wait in the dark
And watch my soul in anguish

When home is home no more
I will miss the gone days
I will remenisce of joys past
And gaze afar of hope to come

When home is home no more
I will come to my senses
I will pick up myself
I will run............run as far as i can

Looking for Jesus,
Looking for my king,
Looking for my father,
Looking for my friend.....

Because in him i will find home
Not the surrounding
Not the people
Not the circumstance

But home! In his heart, resounding in my heart
Finally i will be home and my soul shall rest
Where home forever it will be!

Heartonsearch

Steady My Heart

for the righteous will never be moved,he will be remembered forever. He is not afraid of bad news; his heart is firm trusting in the lord. His heart is steady ;he will not be afraid until he looks in triumph on his adversaries. He has distributed freely;he has given to the poor;his righteousness endures forever;his horn is exalted in honor............

it gets to that point when you trust what your heart feels. the other day i was reminded that i cannot trust my heart until it beats like Gods heart. many of us are walking wounded and distraught just because of trusting what our heart tells us. see this time i was sure.....i was all in....confirmations and all yet my hear in its deceit and desperate wickedness pulled me to a direction that almost cost me lots. so with love i address my heart today

Dear Heart,

I know that you are that which beats inside of me
that which causes me to hurt, and to love
to be sad and to be happy
to be moved into worship, yet at the same time be drawn to other things......
that from which the issues of my life flow out of.
yet i am also aware that you are desperately wicked,
and if not constrained you can lead me astray,
because it is  from you that my thoughts are incubated,
and emotions brewed until they flow out as actions
and i am aware that you are as fragile as a rose
  and only God can keep you at bay,
and only he can keep you safe
so i have given you to him
because i love you,
so stay in him that you may be steady and not afraid.
he will keep you from breaking and keep you pure.
i give you to him because i understand that i have no power in me to control you.

Heavenly father STEADY MY HEART!

Yours Heartonsearch

I am Me

Today was a very lovely day and at the end of it I was feeling quite sulk, But the one who is my helper, reminded me of the beauty of the savior I have. 

Just a reminder of who I am.

See I am that silent whisper,

I am that endless converser 

That comfort in turmoil,

That peace in the storm,

That friend you always need,

That direction when you are lost.....

And when they won't listen I always am,

And in their misunderstanding I get it,

I see how hard you try,

I experience the disappointing feeling when you cannot be there for them,

I read the intent in your heart,when all they can do is point fingers,

I know that you try but at times not that hard,

I feel your joy when it works out and the envelope of disappointment when it doesn't,

I know it's hard for you to understand, that it's all for the best......

Keep still because I speak the language of the storm, 

To me it submits and willfully obeys,

I hold the waters in my hand,

I am in you and you in me,

The fulfillment of the law was in me,

The promise of life in my sacrifice,

I am who I am,

I am me,

Me the way,

Me the truth,

And me the life.

No ones comes to my father but by me.

So when you doubt and the darkness seems to overwhelm you, just remember I am who I am.....

And we'll said I am me.......for you!

Love your Redeemer.

Set up for step up

I was just thinking of all the many things that the Devil and those working against you do to push you down and frustrate you,yet all the while they forget how much God is watching over His word to perform it and every setback overcome is a set up for our set up. You set up for better jobs, better relationships, better chances for ministry,better capabilities..... Over time I have learned that it is very important to understand that you are never defeated because God has a nature of overcoming and that He has put the same nature in us. He reminds us of that in 2 Timothy 1:7 for God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. His piece that God inspired me to write really encouraged me . I hope it does the same for you.

As the leaves fall in the winter cold,

And trees sway left and right in dance to musical breeze,

I'm amazed at how fast the days have skipped,

And at how faithful he has been with every dawn,

See they sought to sift me like wheat,

Put my head for bounty and my spirit as a gunman's target,

Painted my spiritual image with a wanted sign and a price for anyone who would destroy me,

Yet in all this forgot of Him to whom I'm submitted,

With stupidly plotted,

Forgetting he commanded in his law in the act of psalms, section 91,subsection 11,for angels to keep watch over me,

And so he brought the flood to drown me and the storm to sweep me away,

But God cause me to walk on water and used the wind to set me soaring on Eagles wings,

Sent the Hail and thunder, but he who speaks in thunder hid me under......under His wings,under his pavilion,

Took away my direction without knowing to find it I would come into contact with my destiny groomers,

Sickness and diseases that turned out to be a testimony of His greatness,

Took away friends, but that only taught the value of true love,

Crushed my spirit and wounded my soul, but I who called upon the name of the Lord,was set free,now I'm free indeed,

You see no matter what they did they could not erase what God had established through his word for my life,as long as I stayed faithful to Him who called me. I'm still learning but one thing I know He who began a good work in me is faithful to complete it in Christ Jesus and that which was meant to draw me far away from my God brought me closer to the one who loved me,the one who wasn't afraid to lay his life down for me. 

So take heart you are work in progress.....it's not over until God says So!!!!!!

Loving God Each day,

Heartonsearch.

More costly than Gold

Live in the spirit and you will not fulfill the desires of the flesh..........Galatians 5:16. many young people really struggle with the concept of Holiness and righteous living. The last two months have been quite interesting for me. A man of God i really cherished went to be with the Lord and it left me questioning myself. His life was such an example to me and i felt like a big gap was left for me. i was just thinking today the price of being different, there is this nature that i realized from the beginning was in us to just want to fit in and belong. i might have written this before but it is a challenge for us today to go against the grain.
to say i am longing for you, would be true,
and to declare my utmost desire for you would be my declaration of faith.
To open my mouth and hunger and thirst after righteousness would be a cause worth pursuit,
yet each day i wake up, i look around me, and all i see is what surrounds me.
A norm, a culture of superficiality,
a struggle of humanity, to be who we are meant to be, or who they want us to be,
its amazing how much i  have found myself struggling.
Many of the times holding on to the very thing that was snatched from me,
i worry, i spend time coming up with algorithms and ways to finally get it right.
i challenge my body,
i deny my mind,
i enslave my spirit so as to conform to the standard of what i think is right.
i get into stupid stuff and carry out acts that would surprise coming from someone else.
The reality constantly beats upon my chest as the waves on the sandy shore,
pain striking my life like the shock of a million bolts of thunder, each day striving to attain that level of Holiness, purity and love.
i find myself drifting into frustrations and lost in this confusion of life.
but each time i get there he hooks me like a fish and reels me in back to his arms.
A sad but awakening reality dawned on me today, it is not hard to get the money, the riches, the lush life, the meaningless relations and deceitful titles, but it is costly to go contrary to your nature,
David quotes "in sin did my mother conceive me", i have learnt that to live as Christ did is costly. it will cost you friends, it will cost you opportunities, it will cost you to go against the current,to go against the belief.
See many of us claim to be living holy but are we?
if we were to be tested so many of us would fail. yet its amazing that the grace has already been provided and the battle won. In this past year i have watched friends walk away,family rejections, and segregation but most of the times i have found myself to weak to fight against them, many are the times i have decided to be complacent and to go with the flow, to know God but to deny the power thereof ,its been a journey and it still continues. I know now that to choose life is not as easy as it sounds. Imagine someone telling you that

to live you have to die, you have to be born again, the pharisee Nicodemus, as well schooled in the word could not get it. Biologically once you die you cannot live again. I guess i am afraid to die. afraid to loose it all, but i am trying. This path is so different, so not what i expected. but i am hoping that each day i will be able to lay down my life for Him, just as He did for me. i would rather pay in gold any day but i guess that's how he planned it for me. to cut me of, to make me run after Him. I must take up my cross,and follow him and that to me is more costly than gold. Lord help me each day, keep me in the path of your will,wash me and i will be whiter than snow because after i have died to me , you will resurrect me in glory. i can't wait.........
love
Heartonsearch.