Today i am praying for you

In silence i approach
thinking a bout you today more than any other day,
i miss you,
i thank God for you,
for your strength,for all He has seen you through,
for hand picking me and placing me not only in your path,
but in your very life.
choosing me to behold the strength you have,
to learn from you,
to appreciate your laughter,
to share in your pain,
to count the milestones we've passed through
and so today as i think of you,
i pray for you,
that God will grant you
                          peace when the storms are raging,
                          comfort amidst the tears,
                          joy amidst the sorrow,
that He will remind you that you are never alone though it feels like so,
give you hope that  one day it will be a day to smile,
to establlish you and all that you are and have,
to prolong your life that you may be able to witness his faithfulness and his promises fulfilled
i pray that He will lift you up and ease the pain and suffering that you have endured
i pray that He will make love a reality and heal all the scars left by hurt
and that He echo out "talitha kum" to all your dying dreams
i pray for you with immense love in my heart
with overwhelming thanksgiving for all the sacrifices you have made
i pray that doors will open for me to see you and that we will celebrate his faithfulness
i pray that finally you will enter into His rest through faith
that for once you will not have to do so much
i pray that He will forgive you and pardon you and finally work all things together for your good
so i kneel down beside my bed
i hold my hands bound to show Him how helpless i and you are without Him
i take my time to pray
and in case you did not know i am just letting you know
that tonight i am praying for you.

love Heartonsearch.

BACK TO THE BEGINING

Therefore I reached the point where it made no sense at all,

Where it seemed as though I was being punished because of waiting on your word,

When all around me gave their counsel for me to run,

Yet I choose not to listen to the counsel of those around me,

 Reminded of the two kings who heeded the advice of others,

Almost losing their blessing and their kingdom,

Knowing that my heart is desperately wicked above all things and untrustworthy,

Yet you discern its intents,

Dividing my bone from marrow with the sword of your word,

And so I will return to your word,

Because it was in the beginning, it was you and is you,

And so I’ll return to the beginning,

Where it was me and you,

Many are the plans of the heart but the answer of the mouth comes from you,

I will no longer be enslaved

By the misery of my heart,

By the uncertainties of my mind,

Crying out for creation of a clean heart and renewal of a right spirit

Knowing that my substance being unformed you knew me,

And numbered were the days you kept for me,

The journey from a place of known to a place of unknown is not the easiest,

And bearing me witness are the kinds of Abraham and Moses who despite the difficulties decided to obey,

And though my heart unsure may cause me not to heed your word,

And though my spirit anguished may warrant me to sit in pity,

I will arise,

No longer will I look to the men around me to deep me in the pool once stirred by the Angel to receive my healing’

But I will listen to the voice standing by the waters to take up my mat and walk,

Yes walk away from this wish I could, wish I would mentality,

Rising up to the reality that I am precious and loved beyond measure,

Sit at  the table set by my master for my pleasure and find a treasure in the love he holds for me in full measure,

A cup overflowing with sure goodness and mercy,

Singing Jesus you have prevailed

Knowing that I am God’s own, just like the nation of Israel was because of Abraham’s obedience,

I have been brought to the fold because of Christ’s obedience,

He who died is risen that I may be well,

And so I will return to the beginning where it was me and you,

And stop beating up myself for the past, because in you I am made new,

Washed and sanctified,

No more tears,

for you fill my mouth with laughter,

Giving me shoes for dancing, I will dance to my victory,

Understanding that you take my filthy rags and trade them for robes of righteousness,

No more sheets, as you unveil me to your truth, just like the lady at the well, no longer ashamed but amazed that you know me from the inside out,

Shout out loud that the world may know that I am loved by he who calls me the planting of the Lord,

So I will go back to the beginning and he will lead me to the end.

my mind is racing very fast, just thinking how different rules apply. but is it really rules. rules make one obliged to do stuff, love makes it a pleasure. going back and forth at how hastily i have moved. looking back i perfectly did fit in, like a glove i must say. 
today i miss
       the laughter
        the smiles
         the love
          the company of your friends
          the feeling that i belong.
 
yet trying to figure out all the while, what happened. feeling obligated to feel a certain way towards others, but i realize that something is still a miss,
you are no longer around,
now the mourning begins
the constant feeling of Right or Wrong decisions made?
i want to rest, I'm tired of coming out and going in, 
beaten myself constantly about you,
about why,

about the what ifs?
tonight i choose to rest  knowing that different rules apply for me,
because i'm not them.
you said this again and again, now i see. 
thanks!

Diamonds and Gold go hand in hand

if you ask you will be told that diamonds are a girl's best friend. well i thought that this kind of diamond might not be. it is said that silence is Golden. was just thinking that at times the silence build so much inside of you and especially the kind that comes from trying to be nice and tolerate the friends and people around you, at times you need some eruption. diamonds are made at high pressure. wow! light bulb :). do you know that tears are likened unto diamonds. today i was feeling so pressured up then it occurred to me that at times crying helps, but it also occurred to me that every thing you are going through is making you stronger. so after your gold reaches that point it needs to be adorned by diamonds, let it out it helps, but don't stay there, you are being made into one of the finest diamonds. remember its not good to shut it all up because one day you will explode and it will not be a pleasant sight. once in a while get diamond for your gold. it is hard to do good when everything you are doing is not good enough but keep at it and know that it is just a process to get you looking all sparkly and beautiful. the silence will pay off, the scars will heal,and you will get to that point where all admire your beauty/ handsomeness. if you feel its too much its okay to let it all out, but don't forget to smile and just be beautiful for soon your worth will shine and they will not be able to withstand, you may look as black as carbon(coal) but your almost shining don't forget to think first and act soberly or as I'd

put it in "silence" because diamonds and Gold go hand in hand.  with lots of love Heartonsearch.

Wisdom that comes with wholesome maturity

Being raised in a work that not only seeks to fulfil the spiritual mandate as priority one, it also seeks to minister to the needs of the total man. some time in the course of life i came across the word "over-spiritual", i used to think that it really existed until i discovered that those who were called this had reached a certain level of Christian maturity that caused those who had not got there yet to see them as pretentious and "acting holy". yet i also realised that this group of people had over focused on on area of their lives and therefore causing some sort of stunted growth. maturity in all aspects of life soul, spirit, body and mind can save one a lot, unfortunately most of us tend to lag behind in this very important process in life. we refuse to grow up.

maturity develops in us a sense of responsibility causing us to want to take care of others and ourselves, sense of understanding causing our relationships with friends, family and spouses more enriched. an example a baby who is wet in diapers will just cry, once the baby learns to talk they can indicate to the others the reason for their discomfort, once a bit older they can use the training toilet but someone has to take it to the loo and flush, later in life they can go and flush. if you look at this their relationships are being enriched at all stages. Paul puts it in this manner, when i was a child i spoke as a child, understood as a child, thought as a child but when i became  a man i put away childish things..... we all at some point speak, act and understand like children. we pout, throw senseless tantrums because of senseless reasons, play the game of getting each other, feel the need to show who is best when there really isn't a need to. eventually our lack of maturity is displayed as stupidity,. there are things i did that when i look at down the line i wonder why i did them in that particular way, not that I've changed but i just grew up and became stronger, wiser and much better. as i finish today i leave you with this piece:
                 whence shall i go and find you,
                 which merchants shall i trade for you,
                  who gives me strength in moments of weakness
                  understanding in senselessness,
                  teaching me each day the value of acting against reacting,
                  wish you could pour out in floods above me,
                   but you choose to give drop by drop,
                    each day until i reach that place of saying that i have mastered the art,
                    and gained the wisdom hidden in you,
                    Oh sweet Maturity.love
heartonsearch.
 

simple force that causes great change!

have you ever considered the power of words, a thought came to me that words are just an expression of present,non verbal actions that the rest of your body relays, never underestimate the power of
thank you,
i love you,
you are appreciated,
you are special,
you mean a lot to me,
you are beautiful/ handsome,
I'm proud of you,
this list of but a few of the good things one can say to another can make the difference between outpouring of wrath and turning away of anger (prov 15:1). but as we talk about the positivity of words we must not igore the negativity of words. two kinds of negative words i've come across:
Empty words:
this kind of words i think cause the most damage, i call them misleading because they have the power to create a false sense of exactly what the other person is looking or hoping for. i liken them to throwing a life line to a sinking person then as they pull and reach the edge of the boat cutting it and letting them drown anyway, this words affect the way a person things and their end result is usually
anger,
uncertainty,
regret,
pain,
frustration to name but a few. KEEP OFF THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hurtful/Insensitive/Uncaring words:
this words leave scars, a story is told of a young boy who loved to use hurtful words and to show him the impact the father got him to nail poles along their fence then after sometime pull the nails out. the holes where the nails were remained,
i hope we all learn to watch our words because the words you pick will greatly affect your life relations with others,for out of the fullness of your heart does your mouth speak, what are you full of?
love,
heartonsearch.

Just let go!

it is funny how we hold onto things that hurt us,
how we try in our own strength to fightt for what we believe in
purposefully we are all created for one purpose and only one purpose,
WORSHIP,
a singer once wrote and said there is a God shaped hole inside of each and every one of us,
think about it in Ecclesiastes Solomon writes in great disappointment about some journey's in life,
Vanity of Vanities,
at times life seems like a chase for the wind,
guess what it's because we have been chasing after  our own things,
James puts it in this manner,
"you ask and receive not because you ask amiss, that you may spend it on your pleasures"
it is often so easy to ask of what you want but the hardest thing yet is to ask what someone else wants for you.
Christ was the perfect example in this he really did not want to die but dd it anyway because God wanted him too,
how many times do we hang onto
      a job,
      a friend,
      property,
      company of people,
      an ideal,
that we think will benefit us.
letting go is more beneficial than holding on,
knowing this that all things work together for good to them that love God, and are called according to his purpose.
what is it you've been so afraid to loose but your holding onto to it just seems to destroy you,
choose to let go today.
breathe,smell the coffee, embrace the sunshine, live life!
i have come that you might have life and have it more abundantly says the Lord,
all you have to do is get to the point you can say "into your hands i commit myself"
take a breath of relief and REST!
JUST LET GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
no fear, no regret.
love,
heartonsearch