Steady My Heart

for the righteous will never be moved,he will be remembered forever. He is not afraid of bad news; his heart is firm trusting in the lord. His heart is steady ;he will not be afraid until he looks in triumph on his adversaries. He has distributed freely;he has given to the poor;his righteousness endures forever;his horn is exalted in honor............

it gets to that point when you trust what your heart feels. the other day i was reminded that i cannot trust my heart until it beats like Gods heart. many of us are walking wounded and distraught just because of trusting what our heart tells us. see this time i was sure.....i was all in....confirmations and all yet my hear in its deceit and desperate wickedness pulled me to a direction that almost cost me lots. so with love i address my heart today

Dear Heart,

I know that you are that which beats inside of me
that which causes me to hurt, and to love
to be sad and to be happy
to be moved into worship, yet at the same time be drawn to other things......
that from which the issues of my life flow out of.
yet i am also aware that you are desperately wicked,
and if not constrained you can lead me astray,
because it is  from you that my thoughts are incubated,
and emotions brewed until they flow out as actions
and i am aware that you are as fragile as a rose
  and only God can keep you at bay,
and only he can keep you safe
so i have given you to him
because i love you,
so stay in him that you may be steady and not afraid.
he will keep you from breaking and keep you pure.
i give you to him because i understand that i have no power in me to control you.

Heavenly father STEADY MY HEART!

Yours Heartonsearch

I am Me

Today was a very lovely day and at the end of it I was feeling quite sulk, But the one who is my helper, reminded me of the beauty of the savior I have. 

Just a reminder of who I am.

See I am that silent whisper,

I am that endless converser 

That comfort in turmoil,

That peace in the storm,

That friend you always need,

That direction when you are lost.....

And when they won't listen I always am,

And in their misunderstanding I get it,

I see how hard you try,

I experience the disappointing feeling when you cannot be there for them,

I read the intent in your heart,when all they can do is point fingers,

I know that you try but at times not that hard,

I feel your joy when it works out and the envelope of disappointment when it doesn't,

I know it's hard for you to understand, that it's all for the best......

Keep still because I speak the language of the storm, 

To me it submits and willfully obeys,

I hold the waters in my hand,

I am in you and you in me,

The fulfillment of the law was in me,

The promise of life in my sacrifice,

I am who I am,

I am me,

Me the way,

Me the truth,

And me the life.

No ones comes to my father but by me.

So when you doubt and the darkness seems to overwhelm you, just remember I am who I am.....

And we'll said I am me.......for you!

Love your Redeemer.

Set up for step up

I was just thinking of all the many things that the Devil and those working against you do to push you down and frustrate you,yet all the while they forget how much God is watching over His word to perform it and every setback overcome is a set up for our set up. You set up for better jobs, better relationships, better chances for ministry,better capabilities..... Over time I have learned that it is very important to understand that you are never defeated because God has a nature of overcoming and that He has put the same nature in us. He reminds us of that in 2 Timothy 1:7 for God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. His piece that God inspired me to write really encouraged me . I hope it does the same for you.

As the leaves fall in the winter cold,

And trees sway left and right in dance to musical breeze,

I'm amazed at how fast the days have skipped,

And at how faithful he has been with every dawn,

See they sought to sift me like wheat,

Put my head for bounty and my spirit as a gunman's target,

Painted my spiritual image with a wanted sign and a price for anyone who would destroy me,

Yet in all this forgot of Him to whom I'm submitted,

With stupidly plotted,

Forgetting he commanded in his law in the act of psalms, section 91,subsection 11,for angels to keep watch over me,

And so he brought the flood to drown me and the storm to sweep me away,

But God cause me to walk on water and used the wind to set me soaring on Eagles wings,

Sent the Hail and thunder, but he who speaks in thunder hid me under......under His wings,under his pavilion,

Took away my direction without knowing to find it I would come into contact with my destiny groomers,

Sickness and diseases that turned out to be a testimony of His greatness,

Took away friends, but that only taught the value of true love,

Crushed my spirit and wounded my soul, but I who called upon the name of the Lord,was set free,now I'm free indeed,

You see no matter what they did they could not erase what God had established through his word for my life,as long as I stayed faithful to Him who called me. I'm still learning but one thing I know He who began a good work in me is faithful to complete it in Christ Jesus and that which was meant to draw me far away from my God brought me closer to the one who loved me,the one who wasn't afraid to lay his life down for me. 

So take heart you are work in progress.....it's not over until God says So!!!!!!

Loving God Each day,

Heartonsearch.

More costly than Gold

Live in the spirit and you will not fulfill the desires of the flesh..........Galatians 5:16. many young people really struggle with the concept of Holiness and righteous living. The last two months have been quite interesting for me. A man of God i really cherished went to be with the Lord and it left me questioning myself. His life was such an example to me and i felt like a big gap was left for me. i was just thinking today the price of being different, there is this nature that i realized from the beginning was in us to just want to fit in and belong. i might have written this before but it is a challenge for us today to go against the grain.
to say i am longing for you, would be true,
and to declare my utmost desire for you would be my declaration of faith.
To open my mouth and hunger and thirst after righteousness would be a cause worth pursuit,
yet each day i wake up, i look around me, and all i see is what surrounds me.
A norm, a culture of superficiality,
a struggle of humanity, to be who we are meant to be, or who they want us to be,
its amazing how much i  have found myself struggling.
Many of the times holding on to the very thing that was snatched from me,
i worry, i spend time coming up with algorithms and ways to finally get it right.
i challenge my body,
i deny my mind,
i enslave my spirit so as to conform to the standard of what i think is right.
i get into stupid stuff and carry out acts that would surprise coming from someone else.
The reality constantly beats upon my chest as the waves on the sandy shore,
pain striking my life like the shock of a million bolts of thunder, each day striving to attain that level of Holiness, purity and love.
i find myself drifting into frustrations and lost in this confusion of life.
but each time i get there he hooks me like a fish and reels me in back to his arms.
A sad but awakening reality dawned on me today, it is not hard to get the money, the riches, the lush life, the meaningless relations and deceitful titles, but it is costly to go contrary to your nature,
David quotes "in sin did my mother conceive me", i have learnt that to live as Christ did is costly. it will cost you friends, it will cost you opportunities, it will cost you to go against the current,to go against the belief.
See many of us claim to be living holy but are we?
if we were to be tested so many of us would fail. yet its amazing that the grace has already been provided and the battle won. In this past year i have watched friends walk away,family rejections, and segregation but most of the times i have found myself to weak to fight against them, many are the times i have decided to be complacent and to go with the flow, to know God but to deny the power thereof ,its been a journey and it still continues. I know now that to choose life is not as easy as it sounds. Imagine someone telling you that

to live you have to die, you have to be born again, the pharisee Nicodemus, as well schooled in the word could not get it. Biologically once you die you cannot live again. I guess i am afraid to die. afraid to loose it all, but i am trying. This path is so different, so not what i expected. but i am hoping that each day i will be able to lay down my life for Him, just as He did for me. i would rather pay in gold any day but i guess that's how he planned it for me. to cut me of, to make me run after Him. I must take up my cross,and follow him and that to me is more costly than gold. Lord help me each day, keep me in the path of your will,wash me and i will be whiter than snow because after i have died to me , you will resurrect me in glory. i can't wait.........
love
Heartonsearch.

Reflections 2013-2014

So today was my birthday. I don,t normally make a fuss about celebrating my birthday but for some reason this year meant a lot to me. i remember praying for the day and asking God that it be a perfect and happy day and one that i would remember. As i sit back at the end of this particularly uneventful day i find my thoughts drifting back into memories of the year 2013-2014. I must say this year was a tough one, but as i think about it, it was a good year, one i think is worth mentioning.
God is the Author and the perfecter of all things me.
      most of the time through the years i have always panicked and wondered if He got things under control, well this past year was a clear indication that He does, i went through the waters and climbed mountains and through so much but in the end He always made sense that He was the one steering the boat, i was taught to trust in him even in the most difficult situations and for sure he carried me through.
Letting go is the beginning of letting God...
this one was a challenge because i am not the let go "kinda" person. i always want to hold on and do all i can to salvage situations. Now i know it is okay to let go. At times God allows us to go through some stuff to build us up, to nature us or to discipline us. if there is something i have accepted, is just because it did not happen doesn't mean you failed. i always tried to be perfect and try to be all things and pull all things together, sacrifice myself just to keep holding on....well if it changes you that much and causes you discomfort and even through prayer doesn't bring you peace or make you settled then its time to let go.
Live within my boundaries.......
this was the toughest for me, i am used to spending all i have just for others to get a good impression of me; be it getting into promises to salvage situations, going all out for others, i would do it and at the end of the day be so spent or so fatigued and damaged that i would end up so tired yet pick myself up the next day and do the same. i am learning to love me and to appreciate those who love me for me and with that the important statement "NO" was added to my vocabulary  which made my life far much better.
Life is awesome, Enjoy it,Love it,Savor it..........
always having a tendency to look into the future and not enjoy the today, life is fast paced but as you run take a moment to stop and look around. the scenery is breath taking.
Cherish what you have.......................
loving my friends was a challenge this past year and i know God will make it better this year.
there are so many positives i have gained and negatives i have been made aware of. As the sun goes down on this year and a new day dawns for me, i know that this year...
i will loose some friends
i will gain new friends
i will love more
i will laugh a lot
and above all i will touch some lives for his Glory.
i am grateful to God that in my immaturity He is making me mature, and in my stupidity he is making me wise, in my lack he is giving me plenty and though like Elijah, Ahab and his chariots have gone ahead of me, i need not be afraid ,because When His spirit comes down upon my life....He will anoint me to catch up with them that have gone ahead and give me the speed to overtake them. All i need is too stay focused on Him. So 2014-2015 is my year of seeking God's face........thank you to all who made 2013-2014 a blast, and to all who pierced my side, it was all worthwhile and a part of his plan for me. i am more passionate and more in love with my Redeemer King.
keep it real and remember Jesus is the only way to the Father.....John 14:16


love always,
Heartonsearch.

A Letter to my Beloved

My Dearest,
Its been a while waiting for you, see at some point in my life you were all i could ever think of. My dreams were you, i lived  for you and breathed for you. You could say you were my every waking moment and the end to my day. I was so engrossed in the thought of you that i couldn't perceive my life without you but with every waking day hope turned into despair and despair into anguish and anguish into helplessness as you delayed to come to me. Today i want to thank you for taking so long to come, because when i couldn't find you i turned back to God and there i found my comfort, my peace , a new sense of life. It was then that i realized how selfish i had been. i always prayed for you to be this and that.............and a bag of chips but i never thought that i needed to be this and that too so i would be ready when you came. It is with gladness that i want to say i am sorry. sorry for ever trying to make you what i wanted you to be for me. but you can't blame me........see growing up i had this perfect image of how you would look, and how perfect i would feel walking beside you... i was raised in a certain way and expected you to surpass how i was raised.....i was always a daddy's girl and expected to be your girl......went through my own share off ups and downs and i hoped that ours would be a rosy ride,so i sat on the highway of life with my neck stretched out, hoping i would catch a glimpse of you.............and many came that looked almost like you and almost got my attention but then it just did not feel right. i was so lost in this image of you....aaaaaah at times i laugh at myself. Tonight i just wanted to let you know. i have not given up the wait, yet this time i wait in difference. I spend my mornings on my knees for you, i cry to God to make a better you, to make you fall in love with him each day, i pray for favour for you at work, in your business and wherever you may be. I don't want you to be what i want you to be, because that may only last for a moment, but i want you to be what God says you are because his word is forever established in heaven and once you find that identity, you won't another, i pray that as you commune with Him you will be molded after his kind, i pray for you.......yes i do, that you will find confidence in God and not in the love i give or the woman that i am because that is subject to change like the tides and the winds............i pray that you will live and trust him so much and that He will give you the strength to be a vessel that he can use. I pray that he open your eyes and show you his glory. I pray that he will order your steps and define your standards that you will not do for me or for others but that He will be your driving force. As I've gotten closer to God I've realised that its not all about me, but all about him, so i pray that he will be your definition, your standards, your love, your peace, your fortress, your comfort, your provider, your validation and the only one you have to impress. because when that happens and we are walking in his will he will equip us and use us to touch the lives of those around us and make us a praise to his name. So take heart He is working on you and equipping me to be that Help mate that is fit for you. and so i wait in understanding because you won't have to struggle to find me, i won't have to search in desperation to find you,or sell myself short,but as i sit at His feet, obedient and patient, he will make us meet in His heart and our love for Him will be a passion for each other and our treasure for a lifetime, Yes a LEGACY for our children, a testimony of His great power and love made manifest through earthen vessels like me and you. keep on keeping on, and pursue after him, it woun't profit you to gain everything and loose your soul.
P.S. He's just a prayer away!
yours always,
HEARTONSEARCH.

Running For Gold

Chasing after you,I run to catch up with you,
Gasping for breath,panting for air.
See I am a runner, and running is what I love to do best,
I am kept busy by the chase, always too afraid to end the race.
We'll at one point it comes to an end.
The running after dreams, after ambitions after those thing that seem worth running for.
Every great athlete has to know for very important things and this are crucial.........
1. What price they are running for
                        The price is the focus of what they want to achieve ,when running for Gold you will give all that you have because loosing is not an option. Gold pursues are always filled with convincing once self,pushing past the limit and believing in one's self. All you can see is the finish line and all the strength is directed towards getting there,nothing not even pain or fatigue are allowed to get in the way. Silver pursuits have a chance of letting someone be the best. Silver pursues may get you close to the finish line but never to victory of Gold,you are allowed to let go a bit. There is the option of if I don't win I will still get something,second-best perhaps.bronze winners let go even more and are willing to compromise both the Silver and the Gold but still get recognition. No medal runners just want to stand up and be counted for participation
2.when to start
                    Depending on what you are running for then the start will have to dictate the race. The start is carefully planned and all calculations in the mind.
3.how to keep the pace
                 This dictates the entire race. The start may be good but at some point the pace is lost. This would affect the kind of things we will attain at the end of the race.
4.when to stop.
                   Of course one must learn when to stop. Two kinds of stopping at the end of the race and when to call it quits.
So where am I getting at :
Hebrews 12:1
Therefore since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses,let us throw off everything that hinders us and the sin that so easily besets us, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us ...........  I don't know what you've been running for, but for sometime I have been running for the silver and the bronze , you know the things that seem so important abut are not really, the human make of the standards...yes. Run for those things that are important such as Eternal life,people who love you,family and those things that you can not trade in for, those that will hang as mementos of sacrifice and endurance and giving your all. Do not get weary or tired. Where you lost the strength to complete the race just remember that God is there constantly to help you. Forget your loses and embrace the victories of today and those to come,do not be worried to much about tomorrow until it holds up your today because you will always live in the tomorrow and all the beauties of today will pass you like a wind. Instead live today and prepare for tomorrow, leave the nitty grittys to God because the truth is even if you were given a thousand tomorrow's you would still not be ready at no.1001. There will still be that thing to achieve, that goal to accomplish,that responsibility to fulfill. So know when to start. Start running today and take a moment as you run to enjoy the Glory of the race ,because Jesus has the map. He will make sure that you are on track and smile when you receive all that was placed in the race for you. Love hard,keep humble and always smile .
Love
heartonsearch.