Ripping to build

The pain engulfed me like a ranging wildfire,
Every cell of my heart threatening to explode,
It raged in my body and ached in my heart,
Pumping so fast inside its cavity almost breaking its boundaries,
As I counted my losses and replayed the could haves and would haves
My head throbbed hard pursued by its haunting thoughts,
Cries for Help sounded so loud in my head,
But not a whisper was heard from my mouth,
I clenched my sheets and bit hard into my pillow,
Amidst all that shone a dazzling light,
Then he appeared with clothes so white and engulfed me with His peace,
The pain raced away and calm swept over my heart at the warmth of his presence,
Yet come close he couldn't cause I was stained in blood but even in his distance I could feel his love radiating in warmth,
And his voice echo like the dance of the waves in the song of a silent breeze,
And as I asked why, he said it was for my good that I went through that, as he made it clear that my life just like those of the Israelites had become a provocation of his anger and a kindle of his fury,
And that like in Jeremiah 32 he was destroying every memory of it into a sea of forgetfulness,
And this time I did understand for the entrance of his word brings light and understanding to the simple, he had to wipe the slate clean,
For he was Just and he was righteous,
Somehow I was forgiven but had to bear the consequence of being restored,
I had to go through the pain but he would be right there with me assuring me of his presence even when I didn't feel him close, he promised that he was there,
Coz that's the kind of Lover God he is,
Reminding me that he loved me and for me he came,
And though the tears are still falling, and though my bones are breaking,
He assured me he will heal them and bind me up,
That he would restore that which the Palmer worm ate,
That which the locusts destroyed,
He will heal and bring to health, now I understand that in tearing he gets rid of the old and makes room for the new,
Just like he took David's son for his own good,
This is for my own good,
And that this desolate city will once again be a praise to his name,
And I will be a better build,
So for you whose going through the same just know he is write there with you in the storm and you will be better when its all over.
Love heartonsearch.

Grass is greener on your side

I was just sitting down today, then i realised how we often spend life lamenting at the life we have and wishing if only we were allowed to do things differently we would find ourselves on the other side where the grass is always greener. We spend our lives wishing and waiting for
that perfect moment
that perfect job
that perfect house
that perfect man or woman
that perfect body
that perfect friend, church,sibling......... the list is endless. Well i had an aha moment today ,what if the grass is always greener because they that are on the other side took their time to tend and nature their grass? Our generation today is stuck in the popcorn ideology, i want and i have to get immediately. Well a few of us actually do get, but the things they have to do to get immediately would be horrific and mind boggling just to mention. So for all of us who still think grass is still greener on the other side don't be deceived the best things in life come because of taking chances and hard work. You have hidden in you the capacity to make your grass greener too. All it takes is
a little patience
a little love
a little care
a little selflessness
a little risk
and a little effort
and you'll be shocked that it may take you a least amount of time to get started on your lawn than admiring and wishing you could get the neighbors lawn. So today put away your murmuring and complaining and allow yourself to walk at your pace. Do not be rushed by their achievements and be pressured by their success.
Enjoy what you have,
practice and perfect your skill,
appreciate those that are around you,
stop for a minute and thank God for who you are and what he has planned out for your life and appreciate that He's got the blueprint. Be amazed at the architecture that is the world and gain confidence that the same architect is incharge of the project that is your life. Cast not your confidence which has great recompense. Take a chance and do those crazy things they might just turn out to be an invention that will last a lifetime or give you unmatched satisfaction. Reach for the stars, seek God's will, and give it your all,you might just realize that you are too busy chasing after your neighbors lawn when yours was always perfect, just needed some TLC, and that the grass is actually greener on your side!
love
Heartonsearch.

is it worth the investment

many companies before taking on a Project or an investment usually do a cost benefit analysis to see whether it will be worth to undertake the same. it occurred to me just a few days ago as i read my friends page on merger and acquisitions. she went on to explain that marriages are mergers and not acquisitions. this got me thinking that before a decision is made for a merger there must be a cost benefit analysis study that is done by both parties. decisions to merge can be base on weakness, or strength.
weakness
mergers made on weakness decisions are usually in such a way that the person with strength has more rights to decision making.
on strength is based on the we are so good apart think how much better we would be together.
but all this is for another day. back to my analysis. in relationships we find that most of the time ladies base their choices on financial benefits and benefits of being loved while men base it on looks and once in a while character. don't get me wrong there is the rare statistic that actually base it real issues.
 consider how easy is it to get conversations going, can you sit in a room and just talk about anything? how well does this person get you? can you argue and disagree to agree? does this person really consider your input or is he or she bent on showing you his or her superiority and difference in life? are there gaps in character that you really struggle with when with this person? after all this are the things that pop up in arguments or as said as slight comments. find the root of this and address them comments like i don't like a certain thing about you, or this thing about you scares me. i once came a cross such a scenario where the lady was so pretty yet so blond and this dude was so much disturbed by her blondness but would always just pass it on and kindly tell her don't talk just smile. until one day he had to leave her with the friend to attend to the call of nature and men did this chic display all her folly at the surprise of his friend. if there are things that bother you are you comfortable about them or do you want too hide them. count the cost of hiding them before you move on coz this guy was teased so much about it and since h had never accepted that side of her eventually one thing led to another and the guy let her go to protect himself. always remember every investment takes time, energy, heart and emotion. don't be selfish to the other person and don't also deceive yourself. friends are people whom you have accepted for who they are and are a reality to you just as they are. friendship is very important and should be factored in decisions to invest or not. just but a few on one area of friendship. are you really friends. remember too be yourself so that others can be friend the real you and not a clone and get shocked later
build the bridges and you will be able to cross in and out of ones hearts.
with love
Heartonsearch

Today i am praying for you

In silence i approach
thinking a bout you today more than any other day,
i miss you,
i thank God for you,
for your strength,for all He has seen you through,
for hand picking me and placing me not only in your path,
but in your very life.
choosing me to behold the strength you have,
to learn from you,
to appreciate your laughter,
to share in your pain,
to count the milestones we've passed through
and so today as i think of you,
i pray for you,
that God will grant you
                          peace when the storms are raging,
                          comfort amidst the tears,
                          joy amidst the sorrow,
that He will remind you that you are never alone though it feels like so,
give you hope that  one day it will be a day to smile,
to establlish you and all that you are and have,
to prolong your life that you may be able to witness his faithfulness and his promises fulfilled
i pray that He will lift you up and ease the pain and suffering that you have endured
i pray that He will make love a reality and heal all the scars left by hurt
and that He echo out "talitha kum" to all your dying dreams
i pray for you with immense love in my heart
with overwhelming thanksgiving for all the sacrifices you have made
i pray that doors will open for me to see you and that we will celebrate his faithfulness
i pray that finally you will enter into His rest through faith
that for once you will not have to do so much
i pray that He will forgive you and pardon you and finally work all things together for your good
so i kneel down beside my bed
i hold my hands bound to show Him how helpless i and you are without Him
i take my time to pray
and in case you did not know i am just letting you know
that tonight i am praying for you.

love Heartonsearch.

BACK TO THE BEGINING

Therefore I reached the point where it made no sense at all,

Where it seemed as though I was being punished because of waiting on your word,

When all around me gave their counsel for me to run,

Yet I choose not to listen to the counsel of those around me,

 Reminded of the two kings who heeded the advice of others,

Almost losing their blessing and their kingdom,

Knowing that my heart is desperately wicked above all things and untrustworthy,

Yet you discern its intents,

Dividing my bone from marrow with the sword of your word,

And so I will return to your word,

Because it was in the beginning, it was you and is you,

And so I’ll return to the beginning,

Where it was me and you,

Many are the plans of the heart but the answer of the mouth comes from you,

I will no longer be enslaved

By the misery of my heart,

By the uncertainties of my mind,

Crying out for creation of a clean heart and renewal of a right spirit

Knowing that my substance being unformed you knew me,

And numbered were the days you kept for me,

The journey from a place of known to a place of unknown is not the easiest,

And bearing me witness are the kinds of Abraham and Moses who despite the difficulties decided to obey,

And though my heart unsure may cause me not to heed your word,

And though my spirit anguished may warrant me to sit in pity,

I will arise,

No longer will I look to the men around me to deep me in the pool once stirred by the Angel to receive my healing’

But I will listen to the voice standing by the waters to take up my mat and walk,

Yes walk away from this wish I could, wish I would mentality,

Rising up to the reality that I am precious and loved beyond measure,

Sit at  the table set by my master for my pleasure and find a treasure in the love he holds for me in full measure,

A cup overflowing with sure goodness and mercy,

Singing Jesus you have prevailed

Knowing that I am God’s own, just like the nation of Israel was because of Abraham’s obedience,

I have been brought to the fold because of Christ’s obedience,

He who died is risen that I may be well,

And so I will return to the beginning where it was me and you,

And stop beating up myself for the past, because in you I am made new,

Washed and sanctified,

No more tears,

for you fill my mouth with laughter,

Giving me shoes for dancing, I will dance to my victory,

Understanding that you take my filthy rags and trade them for robes of righteousness,

No more sheets, as you unveil me to your truth, just like the lady at the well, no longer ashamed but amazed that you know me from the inside out,

Shout out loud that the world may know that I am loved by he who calls me the planting of the Lord,

So I will go back to the beginning and he will lead me to the end.

my mind is racing very fast, just thinking how different rules apply. but is it really rules. rules make one obliged to do stuff, love makes it a pleasure. going back and forth at how hastily i have moved. looking back i perfectly did fit in, like a glove i must say. 
today i miss
       the laughter
        the smiles
         the love
          the company of your friends
          the feeling that i belong.
 
yet trying to figure out all the while, what happened. feeling obligated to feel a certain way towards others, but i realize that something is still a miss,
you are no longer around,
now the mourning begins
the constant feeling of Right or Wrong decisions made?
i want to rest, I'm tired of coming out and going in, 
beaten myself constantly about you,
about why,

about the what ifs?
tonight i choose to rest  knowing that different rules apply for me,
because i'm not them.
you said this again and again, now i see. 
thanks!

Diamonds and Gold go hand in hand

if you ask you will be told that diamonds are a girl's best friend. well i thought that this kind of diamond might not be. it is said that silence is Golden. was just thinking that at times the silence build so much inside of you and especially the kind that comes from trying to be nice and tolerate the friends and people around you, at times you need some eruption. diamonds are made at high pressure. wow! light bulb :). do you know that tears are likened unto diamonds. today i was feeling so pressured up then it occurred to me that at times crying helps, but it also occurred to me that every thing you are going through is making you stronger. so after your gold reaches that point it needs to be adorned by diamonds, let it out it helps, but don't stay there, you are being made into one of the finest diamonds. remember its not good to shut it all up because one day you will explode and it will not be a pleasant sight. once in a while get diamond for your gold. it is hard to do good when everything you are doing is not good enough but keep at it and know that it is just a process to get you looking all sparkly and beautiful. the silence will pay off, the scars will heal,and you will get to that point where all admire your beauty/ handsomeness. if you feel its too much its okay to let it all out, but don't forget to smile and just be beautiful for soon your worth will shine and they will not be able to withstand, you may look as black as carbon(coal) but your almost shining don't forget to think first and act soberly or as I'd

put it in "silence" because diamonds and Gold go hand in hand.  with lots of love Heartonsearch.